


The Baby Craze

by Lisforlove



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Future Fic, Kid Fic, M/M, OT5 Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-11
Updated: 2015-05-11
Packaged: 2018-03-30 03:30:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3921301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lisforlove/pseuds/Lisforlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had all started with Zayn. Once he and Perrie had their first baby, everything else just fell into place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Baby Craze

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own or know any one from One Direction. This is purely a piece of fiction made for my own amusement. 
> 
> Also, please forgive any of the errors or inconsistencies with adoption or In Vitro. They were written purely for this story.

It had all started with Zayn. Zayn had always loved so much more than the rest of them, had always put so much into family and blood. It really was no surprise that it was Zayn and Perrie who had children first, Liam wasn’t surprised in the least. For the nine months leading up to the birth, Zayn was almost unbearable, talking about ultra sounds and baby formula and the best schools and yada yada yada. In Liam’s opinion, Zayn was worse than Perrie in those months. Whereas the pregnancy made Perrie lax and lazy, it made Zayn hyper and energetic, bursting at the seams with happiness and excitement.

When Baylee finally arrived and Liam got to hold her for the very first time at the hospital after she was born, his first thought was that she was bigger than he expected. He always heard stories about how babies were always so incredibly small when they were first born, shockingly small for most parents, who couldn’t believe they were now responsible for such a tiny, helpless creature, but to Liam, Baylee seemed _huge._ He had no idea how something as _big_ as that was able to come out of _Perrie._ It was unbelievable. It was amazing. It truly was a miracle.

Liam and the other boys got to watch as Zayn became a doting, obsessive father and Perrie became the loving, natural mother they all knew she was. Even though something major had happened to their little group, things really weren’t that different.

In the beginning at least.

Zayn and Perrie still hosted dinner and football game parties at their house, Baylee peacefully dozing in her crib with the baby monitor near Zayn or Perrie at all times, sometimes Zayn or Perrie would bring her out to feed her or rock her, but she was such a good baby. She hardly cried, she was always smiling and life was good. Time went on. Liam continued his life with Sophia and was so incredibly happy, surrounded by Zayn and Perrie and their new precious daughter, Niall and Trista and their endless supply of booze and laughs, and of course, Harry and Louis, still stupidly in love and still stupidly rounding up their crazy little group that Liam was so blessed to call family.

He should have known that Louis would want to jump on the bandwagon next. Besides Zayn, it came the most natural to him, surrounded by smaller siblings whom he adored his entire life. Louis was excellent with children (Liam maintained it was because he was still a child himself) and Harry’s personality and charm had always worked well with the little ones. Liam supposed that he never expected it from them because, well, quite frankly, they weren’t capable of having children on their own. Liam had never heard them talk about surrogates or adoption or donor eggs or anything. So, the night when Harry and Louis invited their little family over for dinner and announced that they had big news, Liam was not expecting a baby.

A new television maybe, another dog (they already had two) a new promotion at work even, but a friend of theirs being pregnant and wanting Louis and Harry to be the fathers was not on his list of guesses for that night.

He remembers that moment so perfectly. All of them had been sitting at Harry and Louis’ long dinging table, the one they reserved only for special occasions or holidays (he should have seen it coming then), and Harry and Louis had stood up together at the front of the table, arms wrapped around each other and eyes shining, when they announced that an old friend (Dana Smith, a previous donor of One Direction) was having a baby and that she had singled them out about giving the baby to them.

Liam had sat there, completely frozen, his mouth gaping open and his food comically falling off his suspended fork, halfway between the table and his mouth. There had been a stunned silence and then Niall saying, “Shit.” And then, “You’re having a baby!”

The entire table had erupted into cheers after that and Louis and Harry had been engulfed in hugs and kisses, the two of them red-cheeked and laughing, glowing from the inside out.

A week later, when Liam was out with Louis to watch the new Superman movie, Louis explained it all. Prompted Liam to remember Dana Smith, the pretty, eccentric redhead who had a flair for fashion and expensive clothes, a woman who had dreams of becoming the maker of stars and changing lives through her style. A life of brilliance and chaos and ever changing fashion, new cities, new people, brands, and accessories.

It was not the life for a baby.

Louis explained how Dana hadn’t wanted to be a mother, that it was a one-night stand, some stress relief, and that the next thing she knew she was pregnant. How she couldn’t regret her night or her choices, though, because she had too much of a respect for life and she couldn’t kill anything she created, even if it was never in the planning book. Louis described how Dana had told him and Harry that she wasn’t cut out to be a mother, that she knew it in her bones, that this baby needed to be raised by different parents, parents who would love the baby and care for the baby and cherish it before anything else.

Her first thought had been of Harry and Louis, a couple she had known for years now, and once she got the picture in her head, she refused to accept anyone else for her child.

So, like that, Liam was witness to another nine months of chaos of freaking out and apprehensive joy more intense than anything he had experienced before in his life. At that point, Baylee was already going on a year-and-a-half, a full year since Baylee had been born and life had zoomed by with work, friends, Sophia, and living it up. Liam had watched her a few times, enjoyed her laugh that sounded like bells and the look on Zayn and Perrie’s faces when they looked at her. It was pure, unadulterated love. It was then, Liam thinks, that the ache began.

It only got worse once Cameron was actually born. It was early October when Liam got the call in the middle of the night. It was Harry.

In a rush, he explained how Dana had gone into labor and that him and Louis were already at the hospital, that Liam and Sophia needed to get down there as soon as possible. Their son was about to be born.

When Liam and Sophia arrived, Niall and Trista were already there, tiredly waiting in the waiting room, yawns in their mouths and tiredness etched into their faces, but brimming with joy and excitement underneath it all.

“Where’s Zayn and Perrie?”

“Zayn’s on his way,” answered Niall, “but Perrie’s gotta stay home with Baylee. She’s dead asleep at this time of night.”

Liam was taken aback. The thought of Zayn or Perrie not being there because of Baylee hadn’t even occurred to him.

“Oh right. Of course.” Liam didn’t know why he was so taken aback, so shocked and disturbed by the simple fact that one of his best friend’s wasn’t going to witness the birth of his other best friends because of her child. He didn’t understand the ache, the faint pain in his chest at the time, simply smiled in understanding and nodded, taking a seat next to Niall and waiting for the countdown to begin. It was then that the ache began to grow in earnest. It swarmed under his skin like a tight bundle of nerves or a sore muscle, blatantly there, but not painful, not exactly. Not yet at least.

Cameron was perfection. He was smaller than Baylee had been, and maybe Liam was just getting used to babies and their sizes now, or the idea of a woman being able to grow another human being inside of her and then push it out, but Cameron seemed more delicate then Baylee ever was. Maybe it was the gravity of the situation. The bravery of Dana and her insistence on seeing her baby boy once, her eyes locked on his face, memorizing it, before demanding that Louis and Harry take him. He was theirs now. Now and forever.

Compared to Zayn and Perrie, watching Louis and Harry become parents was _hilarious._ Whereas Zayn was scholarly and read tons of baby books before Baylee had even arrived and Perrie had natural maternal instincts, Louis and Harry were absolutely clueless. Zayn complained to Liam at least twice a week, bouncing a giggling Baylee on his knee.

“Mate, I can never get any sleep. They call Pez and me almost every night asking about this baby formula or this little bump that he has or to tell me that one of his eyebrows is thicker than the other. It’s driving me mental.”

Liam had just laughed and downed more of his beer, his gaze sliding to Zayn’s drink. It was soda. At that moment, Baylee made a noise and started wriggling madly on Zayn’s knee. Liam watched as Zayn lowered her gently to the ground, his dark eyes incredibly fond and so full of something that Liam didn’t understand. Instead of watching Baylee clumsily walk around, her gait unsteady and almost too adorable to watch, he watched Zayn. Watched as Zayn’s eyes sparkled and his skin glowed. Watched as he took another sip of his soda and looked happier in that moment, watching his baby girl tot around a family friendly pub, than Liam had ever seen him.

He thought of the conversation he had with Sophia recently, the tears and the sadness that came with their new heavy knowledge, Liam cradling her as she sobbed against his chest, his own tears mingling with hers. The memory had the ache that had persisted for months now suddenly grip his heart and squeeze it like a vice before releasing, the pain floating away, but the pulse of it still there. He pushed it away like a phantom ghost and downed the rest of his beer.

        

It was Baylee’s second birthday party, Liam didn’t know where the time had gone, how it had been two years already, and for the first time in a long time, Liam didn’t know everyone in attendance. There were other children running around, little toddlers going this way and that, party hats on their heads and icing smeared on their cheeks, their parents keeping a close eye on them at all times. Perrie explained how they had met these other parents at their Lamaze class and had kept in touch. That Baylee and the other children often had play dates and that Zayn and Perrie often met up with the other parents at the park or at the library, that they had gone out a few times and had dinner and such. Liam didn’t know that Zayn and Perrie had all these other couples that they were friends with. He didn’t know why it bothered him so much that they did.

Cameron was going on four-months-old now and Louis and Harry fit right in. A lot of the other parents in attendance also had infants and a group of them had gathered around and were swapping stories, Louis’ arms locked around Harry’s waist on the couch, his temple resting against Harry’s shoulder as Harry cradled Cameron to his chest, cooing into his little face. Liam hadn’t seen them for what seemed like weeks. There used to be a time where the eight of them got together every weekend, to drink, to watch a movie, to go out and party, to play cards and gamble. He racked his brains and remembered having pizza with Louis and Harry at Niall’s house a while ago. It had to have been at least three weeks since then.

The last time he had seen Zayn before this party was two-and-a-half weeks ago when he ran into him, Perrie, and Baylee at the grocery store. Baylee had run up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, Liam dropping his bags so he could pick her up. He pressed kisses to her cheeks and then turned to her parents, an eyebrow raised when he saw a bag loaded with marshmallows and chocolate.

“We’ve decided to make s’mores tonight,” explained Perrie, her face bright and eyes loving, her hand clasped with Zayn.

“It was Bay’s idea,” added in Zayn, his stubble more pronounced than Liam ever remembered seeing it, his eyes tired, but so, so happy.

Liam cleared his throat and didn’t understand why he was so uncomfortable.

Instead he said, “That sounds like so much fun!” Zayn and Perrie laughed when Baylee giggled from the vibrations of his chest and Liam gently put her down, watched as she immediately went back over to Perrie, who immediately picked her up and kissed her forehead.

They caught up for a few minutes; _It’s been a while, huh? How are you? We’ll see you at the party right?_ before Zayn and Perrie left, Baylee swinging between them, her giggles infectious and sweet as they lifted her off the ground with their hands. Liam went back through the aisles and picked up some scotch and his favorite ice cream. He didn’t feel much like going out anymore that night.   

Baylee’s birthday party seemed like a smashing hit, with Liam mostly sticking to Sophia all night since Harry and Louis were busy, Zayn was going mad taking pictures of Baylee doing every single thing, Perrie was running around refilling drinks and bowls and talking to people Liam didn’t know, and Niall and Trista were weirdly jittery, unable to sit down or stay still. All in all, it was an odd night and Liam was too glad to see everyone leave until it was just the eight of them again, plus Baylee and Cameron of course.

Liam helped Perrie clean up and tried not to be annoyed when it was just him left in the kitchen when Zayn popped his head in to summon Perrie, announcing that Baylee was going to bed and that they needed to tuck her in. Harry came in a few minutes later, clasping him on the back as he heated up a baby bottle in the microwave and rambled on and on about how Cameron did this and did that and how all of it just so goddamn _amazing_.

Harry tested the milk out on his skin before giving Liam a dazzling smile, exiting the kitchen as Perrie entered, helping him clean once more, a grateful smile on her face. By the time the kitchen was clean and all the leftovers were packed away, everyone was sitting on the couch, sipping iced drinks and reminiscing about the night.

Baylee was sound asleep in her bed upstairs and Cameron was snugly tucked into his carrier, lips sucking greedily on a pacifier, making little snuffling noises that Harry and Louis seemed to swoon over every few minutes.

He sat down next to Sophia and curled an arm around her shoulders, guiding her into him so that she was leaning comfortably into his chest. As the minutes trickled by with no children awake and present and just the eight of them gathered around talking and laughing, Liam felt himself loosening up for the first time in a long time. It felt like he had been tense for weeks, muscles sore and achy, but he finally felt loose and pliant. Truly happy for the first time in what seemed like too long for everything being as it was.

Until Niall suddenly cleared his throat way too loudly and looked at Trista, taking a large breath and squeezing her hand.

“We have an announcement,” Niall said, his cheeks ruddy and his blonde hair wilted, his eyes twinkling as he looked at Trista for a long moment and that at their little family.

"Trista’s pregnant. You all better get ready for another baby being around!” Niall was blunt as ever, the announcement pure and simple.

Liam remembers the screams and the cheers, the giggles and even the tears. What he tried to forget and couldn’t, however, was the way his stomach sunk like a stone and the way his muscles immediately tensed back up. Another baby. He couldn’t wait.

Three months later, the beginning of summer, Zayn and Perrie announced they were having another baby as well. At this point, Liam really wasn’t surprised. He really, truly, wasn’t. It wasn’t like he wasn’t happy for his friends, he _was,_ he was ecstatic for them and wanted for them nothing less than the pure happiness that they had found in their children, but well, things were changing, and he was _not_ happy about that. The eight of them hardly got together on the weekends anymore, it was too hard with a hyper toddler and a crying infant and a very pregnant Trista that got angry at everyone and anything and was prone to cleaning out his fridge.

He missed the pubs they used to frequent, missed dancing and Harry’s home cooked meals, Niall’s laughter, Trista’s arm wrestling competitions, Louis’ pranks, and Zayn’s calm voice. He missed his friends. He missed his time with them, time that now belonged to Baylee and Cameron and Niall and Trista’s unborn child. It was tough to admit it to himself, but once he finally did, alone and drunk at one of their favorite pubs, Liam felt like crying.

He was never getting that time back again.

 

A month after Cameron turned one, Trista went into labor and Liam was, once again, summoned to the hospital. This time, it was both Perrie and Louis who were missing, stuck at home with their babies with the promise of exchanging once Zayn and Harry got to see Niall and Trista’s new baby girl.

Her name was Aislinn and Liam felt all of his sadness, all of his pain and grief and hurt temporarily disappear as he looked into her face and swore that he was looking at an angel. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and Niall and Trista were almost too blinding to look at, their smiles too bright and infectious that Liam had to turn away at one point because his broken heart just couldn’t take it.

Both baby and mother went home healthy and perfect the next day and Liam seriously thought he wouldn’t be able to see again, the whites behind his eyes were still glowing, a bittersweet smile on his face to match it.

        

 Near Christmas time, instead of the middle of the night, Liam got the call in the early morning, when the sun was just peaking out above the horizon and Sophia was still soft and warm against him.

 “Wha-? Zayn, mate, slow down, you’re talking too fast. You’-”

Sophia sat up and blearily stared at him, rubbing her eyes and her body language already anxious as she took in Liam’s face, took in the fear and the gasp, at the hand now clutching her wrist tightly.

The phone ended with a click and Liam sat there stunned, his heart beating frantically, fear swimming in his eyes.

“Liam, what is it? What’s happened?”

“Pez, she-” he cleared his throat, shook out his hair and ran his fingers through it, shook his head again, “she woke up in a puddle of blood. Zayn called from the hospital. They think they lost the baby.”

The heaviness in his chest didn’t lift until Liam arrived at the hospital, Sophia at his side when Zayn fell into his chest, tear tracks marring his cheeks like scars. The weight moved from his chest to his heart and Liam thought he would never be able to breathe properly again.

        

It took time, but things got better. Baylee brightened Zayn and Perrie’s days with freshly-picked flowers and hand-drawn family portraits, Cameron’s wobbly steps enchanting everyone, and Aislinn’s little golden wisps of hair could reduce even the Grinch into a puddle of mush. Liam would never, ever be thankful for what happened that night, for the baby that could have been, but one outcome of Zayn and Perrie’s miscarriage was the sudden reenactment of their little family unit. Instead of seeing Harry and Louis once every three weeks, Niall every two, and Zayn nearly never, he saw them practically every weekend. Their family had become the support that Zayn and Perrie had needed for their grief and Liam felt like things were on the road back to normal.

He fell in love with Baylee all over again, her smile and her light brown eyes, the way she always ran to him and laughed into his neck, her giggles sweet and light and so precious that Liam wanted to bottle it up and drink it for the rest of his life.

In March of 2003, a few months since the miscarriage, Baylee turned three and Liam could barely believe it. Could barely believe that three years had already gone by since the day that Zayn and Perrie brought Baylee into the world. The ache in his chest was so severe, had been for a while now, but it had turned him numb. He felt desensitized to the pain in his heart, but also to everything else. His laughs were few and far between and the only ones who could usually make him smile were Aislinn, Cameron, and Baylee. His heart ached and he didn’t know what to do. He just knew that he wanted a baby so, so badly and that he couldn’t have one.

Once or twice he caught the others giving him strange, calculating looks, a frown on their faces as they stared at Liam, but then they were pulled away by this baby being hungry or this one needing a diaper change or this one crying. They always turned away. Liam wasn’t angry anymore though. It wasn’t his time to keep. He knew that now, and he would never begrudge them that. Baylee, Cameron, and Aislinn deserved everything.

Cameron was already one-years-old; turning two in a few months, and Liam often just stared at him because he was so cute, so HarryandLouis that it was hard to remember that Cameron wasn’t biologically theirs. That his genes weren’t important to Louis and Harry, his real parents, in every sense of the word, who had been with him throughout the entire pregnancy, during his birth, and every moment afterwards. Liam was often in awe of them, in awe of their love and their parenting style, their need to give Cameron every single piece of the world that he deserved.

Aislinn, the baby of the babies, was several months old now and would be turning one a month after Cameron turned two. Liam was always captivated by her. Captivated by her blonde hair that shined and felt like spun gold, her eyes that were now blue and clear as the sky, Niall’s eyes, and the thought of Niall giving his baby girl his eyes was often too heavy a desire for Liam to contemplate. So he didn’t think about it, or tried not to at least.

In June of that year, all of them were at the beach. It had been the first time everyone had been out and about in a long time. Usually they gathered at so and so’s house, but Niall proclaimed that he missed the sun and Louis proclaimed he missed having a tan and Liam proclaimed that he missed surfing and all of it was settled.

The beach was gorgeous, hot, sweaty, and exactly what Liam needed. The ocean water was tacky on his skin, Louis riding the waves with him, laughing and tossing water at his head and Liam felt his heart swell like a balloon, lift right out of his chest as he rode the waves with his best friend. Louis often didn’t get to do many self-indulgent things anymore and Liam was going to enjoy his time and his company, fixed solely on Liam, while he could.

They surfed for hours, the sun heating Liam’s skin and making him glow, his mouth sore from the smiles he was now unfamiliar to. Once the tide was coming in and the waves were hardly more than kiddie pools, Louis finally called it quits. Liam wanted to argue, wanted to stay in the ocean with the sun dipping below the horizon, his hair matted and his forehead sunburned, forever, no babies, no miscarriages, and no broken dreams. That wasn’t realistic though, and Liam tried hard to keep the sun in his chest and the smile on his face as he trailed behind Louis out of the ocean, back towards their family that just seemed to keep growing without Liam’s consent.

Liam watched as Louis sauntered forward and plopped down next to Harry on his towel exhausted, sloppily kissing his cheek, before reaching for his son. Cameron squealed, his pale skin oily and still lathered in sunscreen, a tiny, checkered hat on his head and covering his red hair. Louis kissed him all over, grinning from ear to ear as Harry laughed and dug around in his bag for his Polaroid, snapping a picture. Another precious memory to add to the collection. Liam swallowed and turned his head, the dying sun stained orange and red over the water, burning his eyes.

Instead of calling it a day, like Liam expected, that’s how it often was now, early bedtimes and early mornings, Niall and Trista invited everyone back to their place for burgers and beer. He nodded and accepted, watched as Sophia smiled stiffly, her hand tense in his. Things had been tense between them for a while now. Liam didn’t know how to fix it. Everything was falling to shit and all he could think about was that he wanted to stay in the ocean forever.

They had talked about adoption, talked about surgery, about in vitro and every other option available right after the doctor had told them the news. Liam was open to anything. Sophia wasn’t.

“It’s my job,” she said sadly, “It’s the one thing I’m supposed to be able to do and I can’t do it. I can’t. I’ve failed.”

Liam held her, kissed her, cradled her and told her over and over again that it wasn’t her fault. That she was beautiful and the love of his life and that she was so incredible at so many things, that this was just another hurdle for them to get over together.

Except they weren’t getting over it.

Sophia was depressed. The doctor's unfortunate words still haunted Sophia, kept her awake all night and watching TV with lifeless eyes instead of in bed with Liam. It made Liam angry and tense and so gutted by jealousy and contrition for his friends that it scared him. He didn’t know what his life had become anymore.

The nights where he wasn’t working late, he tended to stray over and stay at the pub, getting dunk on expensive liquor so that when he went home and slept another night in an empty bed it didn’t hurt so much.

Other nights, he found himself lost and wandering until he ended up at one of his boys’ doors, their faces surprised, concerned, and always welcoming. He spent hours playing hide and seek with Baylee, reading to Cameron, and simply holding Aislinn while Niall and Trista cleaned up the house and did things they didn’t have time for with a baby. They called Liam a godsend, asked him when he was going to have kids himself, that he was so natural, so good at it. That he would be an excellent father. Liam didn’t have it in him to tell them the truth. Didn’t have the heart to explain what the doctor had said, where Sophia was, the state of their crumbling marriage, or his anger.

He was sad, hurt, and scared, so he kept his mouth shut and shrugged, turning his eyes and attention back to the baby in front of him.

Niall and Trista’s house was the same except for the baby toys everywhere. They were scattered all over the ground, cartoons on the TV when Liam could only remember football, and all over the surfaces, rattles and dolls and pacifiers and bottles. Liam couldn’t get away from it if he tried.

Harry and Trista were in the kitchen preparing a salad and some easy sides while Niall and Perrie were grilling patties out back, the backyard a hazy twilight with the dipping sun.

Liam sat down next to Zayn in one of the backyard chairs, sighing as he sunk into the cushions. Zayn gave him an easy smile before turning back to watch Baylee run around the backyard, trying to catch a butterfly. Louis was sitting on his other side, swapping smiles and laughs with Zayn as Cameron followed Baylee around like she was the most interesting thing he had ever seen, his red hair fine and falling into his hazel eyes. He was nineteen months old now and proficient at walking. Louis smugly said that he was definitely growing up to become a footballer one day. Liam couldn’t really argue with him.

Liam had to swallow harshly, his breath stuttering as he looked across the yard and saw Sophia sitting in a chair, cuddling Aislinn to her chest, her face unreadable. She looked so beautiful like that, so natural and in her element that Liam had to look away.

“Ahh, good beer,” said Zayn, finishing off his bottle and leaning back in his chair, wiping his mouth.

“I hate lemon water,” Louis said, a lemon water sitting in front of him. He picked up the water and sniffed it disdainfully, sighing, “I miss alcohol.”

Liam laughed, it was a little strained. “Why don’t you drink it more often then?”

Louis shook his head, a tiny smile blooming on his face. “I told Haz he could drink tonight. He’s usually the designated driver, but I surfed all day while he watched Cameron so it’s only fair that he gets to relax.” Louis always smiled when he talked about Harry, even if it was casual and passing like it was now. They had been dating for as long as Liam had known them on the X-factor practically, since Louis was eighteen and Harry was sixteen, and they still seemed so perfect. Liam didn’t know how they did it. He swallowed down the jealousy and bitterness with a mouthful of his own beer.

He looked away from Louis’ loving smile, and knocked his half full beer bottle against Zayn’s. “What about you? Pez the designated driver tonight?”

“Yeah,” Zayn nodded, his face thoughtful with something else edging his eyes and mouth. Liam braced himself. He knew that look now. “And every other night for the next nine months,” Zayn finished, his dark eyes glancing up at Louis and Liam, teeth biting at his lip.

Even though Liam had braced himself, he was still stunned. Zayn and Perrie were having another baby. They were trying again. Despite the hurt and the pain they had experienced, they wanted another baby. Liam didn’t understand why he and Sophia couldn’t do the same.

“I’m so happy for you, mate,” Liam whispered, close to tears as he leaned in to give Zayn a tight hug. And he was happy for him. He just wished he could be happy for himself too.

        

Before he knew it, the long beautiful days of summer were gone and autumn had arrived. The leaves curled up dead and fell from the trees, their colors starting to wane as they twirled and twirled as they fell to the ground, mini tornadoes. Things hadn’t gotten any better with him and Sophia. If anything, Liam would say they had gotten worse.

They were so tense around each other now that they were lucky to get through a conversation without one of them shaking their heads and backing away. Liam, truly, sincerely, did not understand how he could have let things get so bad between them, how far they had drifted from one another. Liam loved her so much, still, he just felt like he no longer had the right. Her depression had deepened and Liam no longer felt like he was talking to his beautiful, loving wife. Instead, there was a glass wall, the depression rising up like a tsunami, obliterating everything and blocking Sophia from listening to him, from talking, from spending time together.

Liam was working more than he ever had in his life and he hated it. He didn’t know what else to do though. The more time he spent at the boys’ houses, the more suspicious they got, the more questions about Liam and Sophia they asked and Liam had never been a good liar. So he tried his best to stay away. It didn’t always work. He was too attached to the babies, to Aislinn’s smile, Cameron’s laugh, and Baylee’s hugs. And he had never, ever been good at staying away from his boys, even when they were married and had children.

Still, his time at their houses decreased as Liam picked up more responsibilities at work and more tabs at the pub. He wasn’t happy. He knew that much was obvious. He was a shit liar, but he was excellent at changing topics and avoiding questions. More often than not, one of his boys would give him a worried expression, grab his arm, and ask him what was wrong. Liam putted around and evaded the question long enough for someone to start crying and then he was home free. It always, always worked.

Autumn passed without much fanfare, the gulf between Liam and Sophia deepened and their house grew cold. Liam couldn’t remember the last time him and Sophia had invited the others to their house for dinner or for cocktails or for a movie night. It wasn’t a place he liked to spend time at anymore.

In October, Louis and Harry threw a big party for Cameron at the park. He was two now and the gods were looking down on them because the day was beautiful. It had been abnormally cold lately, but on Cameron’s birthday, the sun was shining. Liam thought it was fitting because Cameron was like the sun. He was abnormally smart for a two-year-old, a characteristic Zayn and the rest of them comedically refused to believe was a result of having Harry and Louis for parents, but truly, he was such a good boy. He was mild, well behaved, loved to learn and loved to laugh. He had a penchant for his father’s mischief and Harry’s dimples, beautiful eyes, and a gentle hand. Liam understood why Harry and Louis were so smitten, so proud. He would be too.

The day at the park was a blast, even for Liam, which was quite a hard feat to achieve these days. All the moms and dads barbecued hotdogs and hamburgers and taught all the kids how to play football, the ages ranging from 1-5 now. Liam didn’t even know where these kids came from, how Louis and Harry knew them. When Louis had a second, Liam asked him and Louis just shrugged.

“I don’t know, mate, just around, you know? At the library, in the park, at the grocery store. You just run into other parents and immediately start talking about your favorite subject: your kid. It’s easy.” And then he had run off to start another game of footie, little goals and nets set up on the grass. Liam had sat on the sideline until Harry dragged him onto the field and demanded that he take over as captain, complaining that the two-year-olds were better than him. Liam had just weakly laughed, but got up and jogged out to the field.

It was the best medicine in the world. All those little faces looking up at him, grabbing his pant leg or his fingers or his hip. They chanted his name when he scored a goal and they even made a dog pile on top of him when they won the “championship,” Cameron on top of him saying, “You’re best Uncle Liam! Best!”

Liam thought his heart might burst for a week.

A month later and it was already November. Niall and Trista invited everyone to their house for Thanksgiving since it was so close to Aislinn’s first birthday party and had dubbed it “Aisgiving.” It just sounded just like ass-giving and Liam knew Niall was cackling and did it on purpose. Liam couldn’t believe how fast they were growing up. Even though Aislinn and Cameron were still in diapers and Aislinn couldn’t talk, they seemed so _big._ Baylee would be starting school in a year and a half and Liam just couldn’t comprehend where all the time had gone. Time he could have spent as a parent too.

He looked across the table at Sophia, at her beautiful face, they way her eyes lit up when Trista brought out a cake with one single candle on it and Cameron and Baylee helped Aislinn blow it out, saliva and spittle blowing everywhere. They all claimed they were too stuffed from the turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and every other dish, to eat, but the babies went to town, Sophia offering to feed Aislinn little bites and Cameron and Baylee falling to the floor with laughter when Louis shoved his piece of cake in Harry’s face, getting frosting in his hair and up his nose.

It was a fun evening. Liam even got a small smile from Sophia when they got home when he wished her a good night, closing the door softly to the guest room he had been sleeping in for a few months now. The mattress still felt too hard and cold under his back, the bed too big and open without another body in it. It was another restless sleep in the endless cycle of his days.

        

He wasn’t really ready for Christmas time or the holidays, not really in the mood, but the funny thing about time is that it doesn't care about your feelings or your marriage or your inability to have children. It just keeps charging ahead and it doesn't stop. Sometimes Liam feels like he resents time more than anything else.

As always, Harry and Louis threw a massive party on Christmas Eve, celebrating Louis’ birthday and the holidays. There was still a ton of people that Liam didn’t know and a ridiculous amount of children that Liam couldn’t keep track of even if he tried. He was starting to get used to these parties, the parties that now had juice boxes instead of wine coolers and paper plates with animals on them instead of fine china and crystal flutes with champagne. It still felt weird, like a ghost limb instead of the actual appendage, but he figured that it was just a parent thing that he would never understand, even if he wanted to more than anything.

He could tell that Louis was having a good time though. He was buzzed; his cheeks flushed red and his hair in disarray. He spotted Liam and stumbled over, slinging an arm over his shoulder.

“Liam, mate! Are you having a good time? Your drink is empty. Why is your drink empty? It shouldn’t be empty.” Liam laughed, shaking his head as he sat his empty cup down, putting an arm around Louis’ waist.

“It’s fine, I’ve had a good amount to drink already.” Louis frowned and his expression was so forlorn, so funny that Liam playfully bopped him on the nose. Louis wriggled his nose, giggling, and crossed his eyes. Liam laughed, the sound odd and Louis was frowning again.

“Liam, Liam, Liam,” he chanted, “why are you so sad all the time? I just want you to be happy. That’s all I want. I want it for my birthday. Can you do that for me please?”

Liam opened his mouth and then closed it again, his throat suddenly dry. He wished his cup wasn’t so empty anymore suddenly. At that moment, a small little thing with red hair barreled through the crowd of people and gripped onto Louis’ knees, laughing as he tugged on Louis’ pants.

“Dad! Dad! Hide me! Hide me! Bay comin!”

And just like that, Louis’ attention was gone.

Louis giggled, delighted, and picked Cameron up, making him squeal when he kissed him all over his face.

“Daddy!”

“But I just love you so much! Baylee won’t be able to find you up here!” Cameron continued to laugh as Louis tickled and kissed him, behind his ear, his eyelids, his tummy and neck and shoulders.

“Just wait,” Louis said eventually, “soon enough, you’re going to get to play hide-and-seek with a new little brother or sister! How fun will that be? You’ll get to teach them all the rules and hide them when Baylee comes chasing you.”

Cameron just laughed and nodded excitedly, not really comprehending Louis’ words. But Liam had comprehended them. He felt like he was suddenly underwater. The voices of the party were muffled and garbled, his vision fuzzy. It had to be the alcohol talking, wishful thinking. Louis and Harry couldn’t be having another child. They couldn't be, not when Liam and Sophia still hadn’t even had one. It didn’t seem fair. Louis and Harry couldn't biologically have kids either, so how come everything was working out for them?

Liam spent the rest of the night hiding, nursing a scotch, and shivering out in the backyard, the wind freezing and the air biting at his exposed skin. His numb heart didn’t seem to feel it.

He didn’t come back inside until Perrie came looking for him, her belly huge and illuminated by the light as she called for him from the sliding glass door. Liam felt like staying put, but he didn’t want to face Perrie’s wrath, she was much more temperamental with this pregnancy, seven months in now, than she had ever been with Baylee. Liam wondered what this new baby was going to be like. They still didn’t know the gender, wanted it to be a surprise, but Liam knew that deep in their hearts that Zayn and Perrie were wishing for a boy now.

Slowly, he made his way inside, yelping when Perrie handed him some hot cider and a smack on the behind for staying out in the cold for so long. He rubbed his backside and followed her into the family room. The house was a mess. Toys, streamers, spilled drinks, chips, odd hats and mittens. Louis and Harry had their work cut out for them in the morning.

With a slight jolt, he realized the house was empty and everyone had gone home. Usually, this was his favorite part, he loved when everyone else went home and it was just the eight of them remaining, the eight of them and the babies. Tonight, though, after overhearing Louis, he wanted nothing more than to leave right away, his stomach churning. He tried too, tried to coax Sophia out of her seat by the warm fireplace, pleading her with his eyes to go home. She brushed him off though, turning back to Trista who was telling her a dramatic story with her hands, Sophia’s eyes cold.

Liam could leave if he wanted, Sophia and him took separate cars, but they had agreed a while ago that they would always leave at the same time to avoid suspicion, Liam’s car always parked up the street so they didn’t see it. There had been a few close calls in the last couple of months, but so far they had kept their secret from spilling.

It was warm and comfortable; everyone sipping cider spiked with whiskey, the babies lying by the fireplace, their faces absorbed in _The Night Before Christmas,_ which Harry was reading to them dramatically with funny, tinny voices.

It should have been homey. It should have been warm and lovely and just what Liam needed, but he could not get his stomach to stop churning, his eyes darting over to Louis every few minutes. Louis, who was still drunk, slumped on the couch between Zayn and the armrest, his eyes resting warmly on Harry, whose curls were illuminated by the fireplace.

Liam hoped and prayed that Louis had just been drunk, hoped and prayed and begged whoever was listening that Liam could just go home without the knowledge that another baby was coming.

His wish was not granted.

After Harry had finished reading, the babies now dozing on the plush carpet, Aislinn wrapped in a blanket in Niall’s arms, Baylee and Cameron on the floor, Louis got off the couch with some difficulty, detangling himself from Zayn’s arm and made his way to Harry. He kissed Harry flush on the mouth, both of their cheeks red, Harry’s from heat and Louis’ from alcohol, and smiled, pushing their foreheads together. They just breathed for a minute before rearranging themselves, Louis situating himself so that his back was pressed up against Harry’s chest, sitting in between his legs with his head tucked under Harry’s chin, their fingers entwined over Louis’ stomach. Liam thought he might puke.

Harry cleared his throat, nuzzling his face into Louis’ hair, breathing deeply before opening his eyes and addressing everyone.

“Thank you for coming. I know I don’t really need to thank you anymore, but thank you anyway. You guys are our best friends, our family. This Christmas wouldn’t be half of what it is right now, without you, we love you so much.”

They all paused, Niall cheering and prompting everyone to take a sip of their drinks, himself not moving in order not to jostle Aislinn and wake her.

“Haz,” Louis murmured, “tell them the thing. Tell them our news.”

“I am, Lou,” said Harry exasperated, running his hand through Louis’ soft hair, “I was gonna say it next.”

“Say what?” prompted Niall, affirmations from everyone else following. Liam felt bile rise in the back of his throat. Liam watched as Louis closed his eyes happily, snuggling further back into Harry’s chest. Harry ginned, his dimples on full display.

“Louis and I have been talking to a young girl from our work, she’s seventeen and she works on our intern staff.” Harry stopped talking, the fire crackling, and everyone waited with bated breaths. Liam thought he might actually suffocate.

“She’s pregnant.” Harry finally said, his eyes filling with happy tears as he buried his face in Louis’ neck, he was always a crier, “And she wants us to have the baby. She can’t take care of it and she doesn’t want an abortion. Her parents and the father agreed and we’ve already signed the paperwork.”

He lifted his head, his skin was blotchy, but his eyes were filled with that look that Liam had seen for the first time on Zayn at the pub all that time ago. It was the look of love so pure, so overwhelming, that it was indescribable. A love for a baby that they didn’t even have yet. A look Liam would never understand.

“We’re having a baby.”

It was the words he had been dreading all night, the last words he wanted to hear. Instead of feeling warm, surrounded by heat, friends, family, love, and good news, he felt cold. Still so, so cold.

 

It was the worst Christmas he ever remembered having. He had a hangover when he woke up, his head pounding as he stumbled into the guest bathroom and splashed water on his face. He looked terrible. Pale and stressed and gaunt. He popped two Advil and made himself some tea, glancing at the clock and seeing that it was already ten. He wondered why Sophia wasn’t up. He walked over to the bedroom and knocked softly, his head still pounding. When he got no response, he slowly opened the door. The room was piercingly bright, filled with light coming in from the windows, the shades pushed to the sides. Liam shielded his eyes and then looked at the bed.

It was empty.

His stomach dropped and he felt the tea rise in his throat, swallowed several times in order to keep the liquid down. There was a piece of paper and a present on the bed.

Slowly, Liam walked over and picked up the paper. It was a print out of the details for a flight. A flight going from London to Edinburgh, where Sophia’s parents were, leaving at 8am this morning.

Liam dropped the piece of paper, watching with a hand pressed over his mouth and his eyes blurry with tears as it fluttered to the floor.

When he finally had enough courage to open up her present several hours later, his house dark and lonely, he found a nice work shirt and a new tie inside. He hated himself more in that moment that he ever had in his entire life, tearing the tie in two and throwing the shirt away.

He felt completely and utterly alone.

 

It was Niall he eventually fell apart to. He thought it would be Louis, maybe Zayn, but it was Niall. Liam had forgotten how intuitive he was, how much he actually saw and understood without you having to say a fucking word. It was three days after Christmas and Liam hadn’t seen another human being since he went to bed on Christmas Eve. Niall showed up on his doorstep three days later, a plate of Christmas cookies in one hand and a full bottle of Whiskey in the other, his eyebrows raised. Defeated, Liam opened the door wide and let him in.

That day, drinking and sitting on Liam’s couch, cookie crumbs on his chest and on the carpet, Liam spilled everything, all of it. All of the dirty secrets, the lies they had been telling everyone, the separate cars and guest rooms and tenseness that pervaded everything. He told Niall about Sophia’s depression, about the doctor’s sad diagnosis, Liam’s anger, and the disintegration of their married life. He told Niall how much he had been drinking, how jealous and angry and petulant he was _all of the time._

He was breathing hard when he finished, tears on his cheeks that he didn’t remember spilling, his breath stained with alcohol. Then arms were around him. Firm, warm, strong arms that pulled Liam into Niall and kept him there. Liam struggled at first, then gave up, the tears flowing freely, his heart breaking with the words he had spoken, with the acknowledgment of them as real.

It was the first time he had felt something other than anger or hatred in a very long time.

 

Looking back on it, speaking to Niall that day had been the beginning of Liam’s healing process. Niall had left many long, tear stained hours and an empty bottle of Whiskey later, giving Liam one last hug and encouraging him to tell the other boys soon, that they were worried sick over him and could help. So, one-by-one, Liam did.

He told Harry next, texting him out of the blue and asking if Harry wanted to go to this sandwich place with him that he knew he loved. Harry readily agreed, promising to leave Cameron with Lou since he was napping.

Harry gave him a hug as soon as he got there and a kiss on his temple.

“I’ve missed you, Li,” he said in his ear, his voice sad, but hopeful, his curls captured in a beanie, “Are you ready to talk now?”

Liam nodded and they sat down, not getting up until the place was closing and Harry had cried into his tea and bread four different times, his hand clutching Liam’s. Harry promised not to tell Lou so that Liam could tell him himself and Liam nodded, grateful.

He already felt lighter.

 

He told Zayn next, chose a day where Perrie was going out shopping with Trista for baby things and came over to the house. They sat in the backyard in the same chairs where Zayn told him Perrie and him were trying again and it felt heavy, meaningful. Zayn sat there and listened, a small line between his eyebrows and his hold on the armchair tightening over the worst bits.

After it was all over, after Liam told him everything, him and Zayn just sat there, looking out at Zayn’s backyard and sitting in the silence. They both turned when they heard the backdoor open and watched as Baylee came outside and towards them, having just woken up from a nap. Instead of going over to Zayn like Liam expected, Baylee went right over to him and crawled into his lap. Liam slowly put his arms around her and cradled her into his chest as she nuzzled into his shirt. He looked over at Zayn and saw him staring, his eyes shiny and his face serious.

“You’ve got to fix it Liam. You love Sophia and you’re meant to be a dad. Look at you.”

Liam looked down at the angel in his lap and felt like crying all over agin, but he didn’t. He was finally done with tears.

        

He put off Louis for a few days because, simply, he was scared. Out of all of the boys, he had always wanted to please Louis the most, cared most about Louis’ opinion and what Louis thought. It had been like that from the beginning, since the X-Factor and through their careers in One Direction. Louis had always been their leader.

Eventually, though, he knew he couldn’t put it off much longer, cautious of Louis’ building wrath, and called Louis, asked when he was next free to go surfing even though it was the end of December and freezing. Louis said he was free right now, that they should go right now, and Liam gulped, taken aback. Louis would always be Louis, impulsive and spontaneous even with a baby. After his initial shock, Liam agreed, hung up, and went into the garage to get his warmest wet suit.

He met Louis an hour later, the sun weak and the ocean freezing. He had no idea why he thought this was a good idea.

“You ready?” asked Louis, a challenge in his voice. Liam nodded and they set out. Liam was wrong, the water wasn’t freezing, it was _frigid._ He thought he was dying, the cold prickling at his skin and making his eyes water, his heart feeling sluggish and weak. They kept at it for an hour before Liam finally called it quits, waving Louis down and heading towards the shore. The beach was too cold, so he trudged his battered body all the way back to the car, took off his wetsuit and wrapped himself in a towel, getting in the driver’s seat, turning on the car, and cranking up the heat. Two minutes later, the passenger door opened and Louis scrambled in, his hair wet and dark and his body violently shaking.

They both pressed their hands to the vents and stayed silent, warming up until they could breathe properly again. It had been about ten minutes before anything was said.

“Haz said you spoke to him,” Louis started, giving Liam a penetrating stare, “Is it my turn now? I know you spoke to Zayn too.”

Liam swallowed, felt panic rise up within him. He didn’t answer, couldn’t open his mouth until there was a firm hand on his shoulder, squeezing reassuringly.

“Mate, just talk to me. I’m so sick of seeing you in pain. Just let me know what’s wrong and we’ll get through this together. I promise.” The last part made Liam laugh weakly, wetly, wiping his nose with his sleeve. That’s what he had promised Sophia too.

]With enough prompting and the circumstances of being confined in a car, Liam eventually opened up, starting with how he felt since Baylee had been born with the ache of wanting to be a father and going all the way to Christmas Eve.

“So you don’t want me and Harry to have another baby?”

"It’s not that,” Liam groaned in frustration, “It’s not that at all. It’s just that it hurts so much when I see you having a baby because it makes me want one too. So bad. Especially since we both can’t have kids through natural means.”

Louis’ lips pinched at that and Liam wanted to disappear into his seat. “To be honest, Liam, I get the situation, it’s horrible. You and Sophia should be able to have children simply by having nice sex, but you can’t. Big fucking deal. Harry and I can have all the wild, passionate, kinky sex we want and no baby will ever be born from it. Does that make Cameron less of our child? Is that what you’re saying?”

Liam frowned deeply, taken aback and hurt that Louis would insinuate something like that. “What? Of course not, Lou, come on. Cameron is just as much as your baby as Aislinn is Niall’s, even if you didn’t physically give birth to him.”

“Okay,” said Louis shortly, crossing his arms, “Then what’s the problem with you and Sophia? Just because she can’t give birth naturally doesn’t mean you can’t have kids.”

Liam struggled for words.

“I tried,” he said pathetically, almost whining, “I tried talking to her about other options, but she wouldn’t listen.”

“She was still grieving Liam,” Louis said it like Liam was the stupidest thing on the planet, “when was the last time you talked about it? Other options for having a child?”

Liam racked his brains, his mind whirring. “It was only the one time, right after the doctor told us she couldn’t have children naturally-”

“Well of course she rejected all of your other options you idiot!” said Louis, his voice frustrated and fond, “It was a very personal thing she had just learned about herself, about her body. I would have been upset too.” He paused and Liam held his breath, the windshield of the car fogging up. “But she’s had time to let that sink in. Talk to her again. Fix things. I know she wants a baby just as badly as you do. Now that she’s no longer grieving over what she’s incapable of doing, I’ll bet she’ll be desperate to talk about what she, what the both of you together, _are_ capable of doing.”

Liam sat there, completely stunned, suddenly feeling like he had wasted so much time. He was done. It was time for him to get his life back in order, to get Sophia back. He wouldn’t lose her again.

        

When Sophia returned a few days later, a week into January, Liam was ready. As soon as she walked in the door, Liam was there, grabbing her bags and putting them inside the bedroom. He came back out, saw her standing frozen on the threshold and went over to the stove. He put the kettle on and didn’t say anything until it was finished. Sophia didn’t move until Liam came over with hot tea, handing her a mug gently.

Hesitantly, she took it. He cleared his throat. Very gently and as lovingly as he could muster, he got out his next words.

“Sophia, I think we should go to therapy.”

 

It was summer again and Liam and Sophia had been in therapy for five months. It had been slow progress, but it was progress. Him and Sophia were slowly getting better. Their therapist said it was obvious the two of them still loved each other, that their love was pure and good, but that they had built up walls and fears and projected rejections. He said they needed to break them all down again, learn to trust each other once more.

It was grueling, excruciating work to love someone and especially to fall in love with someone you were already in love with again. Liam had to date Sophia from the beginning, win her trust by coming home early with flowers instead of late and drunk. He cut back his work schedule and spent the weekends fixing up the house and taking Sophia out on the ocean, using the boat he had bought years ago and sailing with just the two of them and a bottle of wine. They spent hours watching ridiculous movies and getting fat off candy and popcorn, going shopping and out to dinner, and babysitting all of the kids.

Zayn and Perrie were especially busy ever since Wynona had been born. She had been born in the middle of the day in late February, a few days earlier than expected, and it was the first time in a long time that everyone Liam loved was in attendance, Louis and Harry there with little Cameron and Niall and Trista there with little Aislinn, both now big enough to come to the hospital without needing to sleep or be fed a bottle every few hours, now two and one and some months respectively, even if they were incredibly fussy and bored no matter what they adults did to entertain them.

Perrie had been in labor for a whopping 22 hours; Harry and Trista eventually bringing the babies back home with the promise of returning the next day. Wynona was finally born towards midnight, making her birthday on the 28th instead of the 27th, healthy and screaming the second she was out of the womb.

She was beautiful, big like Baylee had been, and Liam squeezed Sophia’s hand when they finally got into the delivery room, Perrie exhausted, tear tracks on her cheeks, but smiling like the sun was coming out of her, holding her new baby girl in her arms, Zayn at her side as always, and Baylee lying next to her mother on the other side. Liam took a picture of the family on his phone and saved it as his background. He didn’t change it for weeks.

Things were calm for a little while during the summer, the couples often taking the kids to the beach or to the park, taking them once to a Chuck E. Cheese and then collectively deciding never to go back until the kids were older. Baylee was now four and Liam’s eyes almost popped out of his head when she blew out her cake earlier in March because damn did he feel _old._

Things were good and Sophia and him were only getting better, slowly, but every day was progress. Towards the end of summer, on the last day of August, Harry and Louis’ new baby was finally born. It was another boy.

It was funny how the universe worked, Liam thought as he watched the seventeen-year-old mother being comforted and doted on by her own mother and father. Zayn and Perrie had wanted a boy and Harry and Louis had wanted a girl and they both got the opposite. Wynona had been born with a full head of dark hair and Daniel was completely bald, the few hairs he did have blonde and fine. Babies were a funny, funny thing, and as he watched the teenage mother, the girl’s mother stroking her own daughter’s hair; he realized that you never stopped being a baby in your parents’ eyes. Not really.

They named their new son Daniel and what fascinated Liam this time around was Cameron, not Harry and Louis, who were now experts apparently at all things baby and parenting. But Cameron was so, so, so cute. He took his responsibility as a big brother very seriously and the second his little brother was born he demanded to see him at once so that he could take care of him. Louis and Harry thought it was the most adorable thing in the entire world. Liam had to agree with them.

Baylee, on the other hand, was used to having Zayn and Perrie all to herself and liked it. The new baby in her eyes was confusing and she didn’t understand why her mom and dad wanted Wynona so much, didn’t understand why she wasn’t enough for them. Zayn and Perrie explained that they didn’t love her any less, just that they wanted another baby too. The problem persisted though, and this time it was Zayn and Perrie calling Louis and Harry asking for advice every night and the world just always had a way of turning everything on it’s head.

       

With two new babies, things were more chaotic than ever. Liam and Sophia often found themselves baby-sitting Baylee or Cameron as their parents took their new siblings to doctors appointments and check-ups, the older babies wanting nothing to do with them and seeing as Liam and Sophia were always open to it and the kids loved them, it was the obvious option.        

One evening, sitting outside of his own house on the balcony sipping wine, him and Sophia had invited everyone over for spaghetti; he asked Niall if he was planning on having another baby too.        

“For sure, mate.” Niall responded easily, his cheeks slightly flushed with alcohol and his blonde hair stirring slightly from the dying summer wind, “Not at his exact moment, no, but yeah, eventually. Once things settle down at work and me and Trist think it’s time, it’ll happen. We’re in no rush. Linny’s not even two yet.” And it was all so cavalier, all so casual and so Niall that Liam had to laugh, his deep belly laugh that made him feel full and sated and happy.

Things were much, much better.

     

Once again, the holiday season arrived, and this time around, Liam was much more in the spirit. Sophia and him went all out on decorating the house, spending many late nights kissing under the mistletoe and by the fireplace, wearing sweaters and inviting the kids and the boys over for snowball fights and hot chocolate. His home felt like a home again. He pinned up the Tomlinson, Malik, and Horan Christmas cards on the fridge and promised himself that he would keep them forever, the images of his favorite families, two tiny babies and three bigger ones, all equally precious to his heart.

Baylee was now four, Cameron was now three, Aislinn was now two, Wynona was ten months, and Daniel was three months, the ages seeming to mix together and blend right before Liam’s eyes. He wanted nothing more than to snatch time and to freeze it out in the snow, stall it and keep the babies as babies forever.

It didn’t happen, but it was okay, Liam didn’t expect it to, or really want it to, truthfully. He was excited to see the kids get older, go to school and learn how to ride a bicycle, make friends and make sports teams, become people in their own right.

Him and Sophia were also more or less back to normal, to how things had been before they had gotten bad. They had their last therapy session the week after Thanksgiving, the therapist proclaiming he had nothing more to offer them with a happy smile, giving both Liam and Sophia farewell hugs and a wish for good luck. Liam had been planning to talk to Sophia about having children after Christmas, when it was just the two of them and down time and their warm house. He was nervous, but he was ready. He just crossed his fingers that she was too.

 

The talk went better than he had expected it too, both of them crying and embracing and kissing by the end of it. Sophia had been open and Liam had been sensitive, both of them getting their wants and wishes and desires across without hurting the other. They both ruled adoption as their last resort. They had watched Harry and Louis go through two mostly great experiences, but Sophia wanted to get pregnant herself, it at all possible, even if it was through artificial insemination and Liam heartily agreed. Sophia pregnant had been one of his fantasies for years now, and he wanted it as fiercely as she did, for their child to be inside her.

        

Things only progressed and Niall and Trista threw a New Year’s Eve Party where Liam and Sophia told everyone the news, deciding that being honest and open with their family instead of secretive and withdrawn was the obviously better option. The others cheered; their smiles sweet, sincere, and hopeful, and Liam thought he would die from the intensity of it, from the intensity of feeling the satisfaction of it finally being _his turn._ It felt sweet, like raw sugar on his tongue.

        

Him and Sophia decided to spend New Years Day by themselves, without their friends and the babies. They spent the first few hours at home, drinking cocktails and watching classic movies, and then they went out to a club and danced, and danced, and danced until the sun was coming up and they were both exhausted, their hands intertwined in the backseat of the taxi as they drove home. The smiles seemed permanent on their faces.

Hopefully, by next New Years, they would have a reason not to go out.

 

Sophia started In Vitro in January and Liam was a wreck. The process sounded painful and he told Sophia they could do other things, other options, that she didn’t have do it.

“Childbirth is painful, Liam, what do you think they’re preparing you for?”

Liam shut up.

        

One strange evening, Liam found himself babysitting Baylee and Wynona by himself, Sophia gone out with some girlfriends for the night. It was late, so he made Baylee some hot chocolate; chocolate was her favorite-in any medium- and cradled Wynona to his chest. She would be turning one next month, the end of February, and Liam almost wanted to stop keeping track of their ages because he didn’t know how they always grew up _so fast._

Baylee was starting school this year. _This fucking year._ It blew Liam’s mind.

He tried pouring Baylee’s hot chocolate into a plastic mug while holding a crying, squirming Wynona in his arms, it always seemed like she was crying, she was a much more temperamental baby than Baylee had been, and pouring marshmallows in at the same time, Baylee chatting away at the counter. It was too much.

Wynona’s foot connected with the kettle, sending it flying and crashing to the floor, the liquid spilling everywhere, the hot water searing Liam’s pants and feet. He grunted, muffling curse words, closing his eyes. Wynona was positively _screaming_ now and Baylee was shouting from the counter, getting off the barstool.

“No!” Liam shouted, a bit too harshly maybe, Baylee’s eyes widening, “Don’t come over here. I don’t want you to step on the hot water.”

To his horror, Baylee’s eyes filled with tears. “I just wanted to help!” She jumped off the barstool and ran in the direction of the family room.

Liam tilted his head back, groaning, Wynona still kicking and screaming into his chest. He lifted her up and tried to soothe her, hush her, but nothing seemed to work. He checked the foot that had hit the hot water, noting with some concern that there was a patch of red on her otherwise flawless skin. Gulping down guilt, he shook off his drenched pant leg and carefully made his way out of the kitchen and to the family room.

He saw Baylee sitting on the edge of the couch, her long brown hair covering her eyes and face, but her sniffles unmistakable. He sighed, rocking Wynona in his arms as he tried to put her in her carrier. If possible, Wynona seemed to cry louder.

“I hate that baby!” Baylee suddenly said loudly from her position on the couch, Liam turning his head around in surprise. His heart broke when he saw the tears glistening on her cheeks, her eyes wet with them. Baylee hardly cried, it was hard for Liam to see her do it now.

“You never yelled at me before and now you do, cause of the baby.”

Liam wanted to jump up and go to her, cradle her in his arms while pressing kisses into her hair, but Wynona was still crying madly, her wails piercing now and Liam just didn’t know what to do.

“Hold on Bay,” he said, struggling to put Wynona in her carrier so that he could calm down Baylee, “let me just take care of your sister.”

“That’s what Mom and Dad say every time,” sniffed Baylee, the tears still cascading, “I hate Wynona.”

It was then for the first time that Liam actually questioned if he could even be a father, if he was capable. If he was good enough.

Finally managing to put a still crying Wynona into her carrier and looking at a silently weeping Baylee, Liam wasn’t too sure anymore.

 

He talked to Harry about it one night, the two of them sitting next to each other on the couch in front of the fireplace at Louis and Harry’s house. Louis was giving Cameron a bath and Daniel was sound asleep in his crib upstairs. It was just the two of them, good drinks, a roaring fire, and a love that seemed to always pervade where Louis and Harry were.

“I don’t know if I can do it, Harry,” he admitted quietly, stirring the ice cubes around in his drink.

Not snorting in derision or blowing him off like the other boys would have done, Harry looked at him seriously, his green eyes thoughtful and concerned.

“Why do you say that?”

Liam tugged a hand through his hair. “I don’t know, H. Just this other night with Baylee and Wynona, and some other little things while I’ve babysat the kids, it’s just-it gets me thinking, you know?”

Harry nodded, curls bouncing and let Liam mull over his words.

“Maybe Soph and I not being able to have kids is a sign that we’re not supposed to.”

Harry frowned, but he didn’t jump the gun and immediately and start blowing off that Liam’s statement was bullshit like Louis would have done.

Harry put down his drink on the coffee table and sighed thoughtfully, leaning back into the cushions.

“You could probably look at it that way,” admitted Harry, his voice earnest, and Liam swallowed, suddenly tongue tied and nervous. Liam took another swig of his own drink and then sat back, enveloping himself in the couch as well.

“But,” Harry said slowly, his voice deep and meaningful, “you could also look at it as confirmation that you’re meant to be a parent.”

Liam quirked an eyebrow. “How so?”

“Well,” Harry said, drawing out the letters, fingering the stitching in the couch, “You’ve gone through so much the last few years, you and Sophia both. I think it’s made you a stronger person. You know what it feels like to lose the one you love now and you never want to experience it again, right?”

Liam hurriedly shook his head no, his eyes wide and serious.

“Right, see? Liam,” he said with added conviction when Liam still looked confused, “you’ll be the best father in the world because you’ll love them more than anything and _never_ leave them, even if things get bad at work, or with you and Sophia, or even with yourself.”

Harry paused and Liam realized his palms were sweating, his heart beating like a maniac.

“Liam,” Harry said again, placing his hand on top of Liam’s that was resting on the couch, “you’ll love those kids to the ends of the earth, before everything, before yourself. That’s how I know you’ll be the best parent in the world. How I know you’re meant to have kids. You’re the most selfless person I know.”

By the time Louis came back down thirty minutes later, Liam’s head was resting on Harry’s shoulder and they were cracking up over that time Zayn pranked Paul by putting pudding in his bed during their fourth world tour, their grins genuine.

“All good, gentlemen?” asked Louis, sliding into Harry’s lap and running his fingers through Harry’s curls, Harry already purring.

"All good,” murmured Liam. And he meant it.

        

At the end of February, Wynona turned one and Zayn and Perrie had a little party at their house, nothing huge or fancy, just the eight of them, the babies, and Zayn and Perrie’s family. They got Wynona a giant vanilla cake (Baylee was disgruntled about it not being chocolate) and she was wearing an adorable purple dress and headband with a matching flower that everyone couldn’t stop swooning over. Aislinn, Cameron, and Baylee (after much prompting) helped Wynona blow out her cake, Daniel staring enchanted at the flame on the candle from his position on Louis’ hip, and it was nice. It was really, really nice.

Liam, Louis, Harry, Zayn and Niall played hide-and-seek in the backyard with the kids for what felt like hours, but was probably thirty minutes, the air still cold and harsh on his lungs, everyone bundled up and wearing scarves and mittens and hats. They came barreling into the house when Perrie called from the kitchen window saying that they were going to make s’mores in the fireplace, the kids yelping with glee, Liam carrying Aislinn on his shoulders and Cameron and Baylee trailing after them.

Liam and Sophia helped all the older babies make s’mores, Liam holding Aislinn’s stick for her and letting her smash the graham cracker around the melting chocolate, her grin bright and so very much like Niall’s that his heart ached. Soon. Soon enough, her would have that experience too.

So far, Sophia had done In Vitro twice and nothing. The doctor said it was normal, said that theirs was a low percentage of getting pregnant through artificial insemination, but they wanted to try at least one or two more times. Liam hoped with everything in his being that the next time they tried, something would happen.

        

A few weeks later, it was March, Baylee’s birthday party this time, it seemed like it was always someone’s birthday these days, and Sophia had done In Vitro for a third time. Still nothing. Liam had woken up that morning to an ashen-faced Sophia, her eyes downcast as she told Liam she had started her period that very morning. It was right on time, perfectly on schedule. Liam tried very, very hard not to be sad and disappointed, but it was starting to wear on him, to feel hopeless again. He kissed Sophia soundly on the mouth, hugging her firmly against his chest and felt her shaking.

He sighed, ruffling her hair and pressed a deep kiss to her temple.

“We can stop, Soph, any time you want, we can stop. There are other options we have, even if you don’t get pregnant.”

After a tense, silent minute, Liam’s heart beating fast, Sophia nodded, pulling away and giving Liam a small smile.

“I know. One more time then we’ll stop.”

Liam kissed her again.

"One more time.”

 

Baylee’s birthday was a little different for her fifth one. This time it was at a ridiculous rented castle building that dressed up everyone like a princess or a knight and paraded them around the castle in ridiculous costumes and outrageous makeup. Louis loved it, completely decked out in knight’s gear, the rest of the boys following suit (literally). All of the girls were dressed up in tall pointy cone hats with ribbons attached on the ends and long, glittery dresses. Even little Wynona was dressed up in a shimmering little baby dress, dangling from the baby carrier attached to Zayn’s chest and Harry and Louis had dressed Daniel up as a prince, his fine blonde hair gelled and styled to perfection as he was paraded around in Harry’s arms, his brown eyes wide in amazement as he took in the torches on the wall and the badly made paper Mache dragon being held in the dungeon.

Liam tried to keep his spirits up, he truly, truly did, but clacking around in a bunch of chain mail and metal was not the sort of day he was in the mood for after the news of earlier that morning. He made sure to keep his spirits up whenever Sophia was around him, smiling and winking and kissing her all of the time. In reality, though, Liam just really badly wanted to go home, curl up in a ball, and have a good cry. He had told himself he was done crying a long time ago though, and he wasn’t going to let himself go back to that dark place. So he didn’t.

Instead, he immersed himself in his character, having a sword fight with Niall, rescuing Aislinn from the fire breathing dragon, and ballroom dancing with Harry. Things were okay. Liam was determined to keep them that way, no matter what.

        

Liam was glad when April came around, the weather was getting warmer and everything was beginning to bloom. None of the babies had another birthday until Daniel turned one at the end of August and Liam was secretly relieved. All of the constant birthday parties and children and celebrations were getting to be too much for him again.

Sophia could tell. Unlike last time though, they talked about it together, Liam venting about his anger, sadness, and frustration and Sophia doing the same. It was good for them, kept them healthy, sane, and their relationship strong. Liam was at least grateful for that. Sophia had done her fourth and last In Vitro two-and-a-half weeks ago. Liam had forced himself not to get his hopes up for this time, but it was hard. All of it was hard.         

It was a casual Sunday afternoon and Liam had just gotten home from the gym, was lazing around on the couch in his sweaty clothes watching a football game and texting Niall about it when he heard a crash from the bathroom. He immediately sat up.

“Soph? That you? You okay?”

Nothing.

Eyebrows furrowing in concern, Liam chucked his phone off to the side and got off the couch, walking slowly to the bathroom. He rapped his knuckles against the wooden door twice.

“Soph? You in there? You okay?”       

When he still heard nothing, Liam frowned and pressed his ear against the surface, trying to hear if she was inside or if he had been hearing things.        

All the sudden the door was opening and Liam was stumbling back, surprise on his face.       

“Soph? What’re you doing-”

“Liam, I-I think-”

“What? What’s wrong? What’s happened-”

"Liam, the stick, the stick-”

"The stick? What’re you-are you okay?”

"Liam, the stick was positive! I peed on the stick and it was positive.”

Liam’s heart stopped beating.

“You what?” he whispered. Sophia slowly came near him, pushing her face close to his, her eyes locked on Liam’s as she wound her arms around his waist.

“Liam, I think I might be pregnant.”

 

 

Liam tried to stay calm the entire drive to the hospital on Monday, the very next day early in the morning. The general hospital near them was closed on Sundays, so he and Sophia had been forced to wait overnight to see if Sophia’s pregnancy stick was right or not. His hand was tight on the wheel where he was clenching it and he forced himself to take a deep breath and then relax.

Him and Sophia were supposed to go over to Louis’ and Harry’s the previous night for dinner, but Liam had called and feigned sickness. They were both too worked up and antsy for company and Liam didn’t want to tell anyone yet. He didn’t want to jinx it. There was such a slim chance of the stupid, cheap pregnancy stick that Sophia had gotten at the grocery store for a few bucks being right, but if it was, well. Liam didn’t know how he would feel honestly.

Right now, he was trying to focus on the road and the cars around him in order to get Sophia and him safe and sound to the hospital in the fastest amount of time possible. He felt like he was about to explode.

His nerves only got worse when they got to the hospital, Sophia giving Liam annoyed looks when he ran out of the car like a madman and opened her door, helping her get out of the car.

“Liam, you know that we don’t know if I’m pregnant yet, right?”

“It’s safer to be prepared just in case.”

Sophia rolled her eyes and pushed past him, Liam following suit dutifully behind. They had to wait in the waiting room for what felt like fucking _hours_ and then even when they were finally in the patient room it seemed like _forever_ until the stupid doctor even seemed to get there.

“Hello,” said Doctor Bailey, a small Vietnamese woman in her thirties, “I see you’ve called for an ultrasound today?”

Both Liam and Sophia confirmed her statement and Liam tried to sit patiently as Dr. Bailey took all of Sophia’ vitals, fidgeting madly the whole time, before leading them to another room housing about a million beeping machines.

“Okay, a nurse will be with you shortly,” said Doctor Bailey, gracing them both with a smile before exiting with a clipboard. By the time the nurse finally came around, Liam was pretty sure he had ripped all of his hair out, his eyes bugging out of his skull.

He watched with a sort of detached fascination as they rubbed a clear jelly all over Sophia’s flat stomach and hooked her up to the machine, a projection of her insides being lit up on screen in front of them.

Liam squinted his eyes wildly, cocking his head this way and that, trying to find something resembling a baby on the monitor.

After about ten minutes of rubbing the sensor over Sophia’s flat stomach the nurse clucked her tongue and snapped her gloves off, standing off of her stool and putting her hands together. She walked over to the projector.

“You see this here?” she pointed to something that resembled a small bean maybe. The footage was really too grainy to see.

“I think so?” Liam answered. The nurse smiled, amused.

“Well, if you’re pregnant, there’s a good chance that that’s your baby. It’s really still too early to tell on the monitor, but we can take some blood samples and get back to you for sure in a few days. Blood samples are a hundred percent accurate, even this early on.”

Liam just nodded, staring at the minuscule little bean on the screen. In a few days, he would find out if he was going to be a dad or not. He just had to make sure his heart wouldn’t give out before then.

        

The days Liam spent waiting for the results of the blood test were an excruciating nightmare. Things were tense between him and Sophia. Not in a bad way, not with their relationship, just with not _knowing._ It was killing them. On the way home from the doctor’s they had gone to the grocery store and picked up every single kind of pregnancy test they could, cleaning off the shelf and making other patrons ogle at them. They had tried all of them that night in their home, high off pizza and coke and laughing ridiculously into each other’s necks, trying to mask the nerves and fear boiling in their bellies.

Half of the tests were negative and half were positive.

Liam honestly didn’t know if he was going to have any hair left by the time the result of the blood test came in, his hands were always seeming to grip his hair and _pull._ He hardly saw the boys or the girls during that time, those five short days that could have fit a thousand lifetimes into.

Louis had called Tuesday and had asked if the sickness that had caused them not to come over the previous night had gotten any better. Liam said no.

Niall called Wednesday and asked if Liam and Sophia wanted to come over and watch the game, that Niall was making his famous nachos and that even Aislinn was dressed up for the occasion. Liam said no.

Harry called Thursday and asked if Liam wanted to use his lunch break during work to meet Harry at their favorite sandwich place since he hadn’t gotten to see him the other night. Liam said no.

On Friday, Zayn called, asked point blank if Liam was okay and what was going on. If something bad had happened again. Almost giddy, his tongue weighted with a million hopes and wants resting on his tongue, Liam still said no.

All of his being was focused on those five days, on Sophia, on the turn their life could take with one phone call. It just needed to happen.

        

When it did finally happen, the goddam high-pitched blare of the telephone ringing shrilly throughout their halls, it was at the worst time possible.

They knew it was the doctor calling. No one called their home phone. They had cell phones for that. They had given the doctor their home phone though, so they would know exactly who was calling and why. They just needed to be able to hear it.

When it rang, Liam was in the shower, vigorously scrubbing his body raw, his skin turning an angry red with anxiety and stress and Sophia was cooking, the stove hot and their dinner almost ready. When she heard the ring, she dropped the large metal spoon without hesitation and it clanged to the floor, residue food splattering like spilt milk.

Shaking, she picked it up and pressed the answer button.

Liam, meanwhile, was singing. He missed singing now that he wasn’t doing it constantly, now that he was behind the scenes instead of in front and center. He didn’t miss the glare of lights or the burn of cameras, but he did miss the sweet melodies and the times where his most stressful moments were trying to find something witty to write on Twitter. Life had changed so much since then.

He was rinsing his hair roughly when he heard the faint sound of clamor, pausing in vehemently running his fingers though his hair, washing it out, shampoo running over his face and body in rivulets.

His eyes were closed so he jumped when the shower door slammed open, the force knocking the door back and then closed again after ricocheting off the wall. Shocked, he opened his eyes and immediately cursed when he felt the immediate, stinging burn of his shampoo, closing his lids and groping blindly towards the door, freaked and unsure of what was happening. The door slammed open again and suddenly there was a very warm, very _dry,_ very familiar body pressed against his, still wearing clothes and screaming into Liam’s ear, his eyes still blind.

“Liam!” It was Sophia. A flushed, sweaty, clothed Sophia that Liam could feel more than he could see.

“Soph! What are you doing!”

“Liam! Liam! The doctor! She’s on the phone!”

“She’s what?”

Thump. His heart felt like it was outside of his body, like it ripped itself from his chest and washed away with the water down the drain. Liam opened his eyes and saw Sophia now soft and wet and drenched against him. He watched, his eyes stinging, but his heart forcing them open as Sophia lifted her hand and held up the now wet phone. She grinned.

“Liam, I’m positive, we’re positive, Dr. Bailey said that it was positive.”

Liam’s brain was short-circuiting; he couldn't control his motor functions, his heart, his blood, his burning eyes. He stared deeply at the phone, wet and broken and useless, and then into Sophia’s beautiful eyes.

“Liam, I’m pregnant.” Sophia laughed, dropping the phone to the shower floor as tears gathered in her eyes and spilled over her eyelids, running down her cheeks and mixing with their shower water, both of them completely wet. Finally cleansed.

“We’re having a baby.”

 

The night they decided to tell everyone was planned out very precisely. They texted everyone on Friday and told them to come over on Sunday for dinner. They tried to sound casual, tried to mask the happiness brimming everywhere throughout their beings and spilling over everything, but it was impossible. Everyone was fishy on the phone; messages long winded and worried as they questioned Liam over and over again about what was going on, if he was okay. Liam remained obstinate, the bloom of his smile hidden by his forced nonchalant attitude and the distance of a text message. He knew he would give it away in a heartbeat over a phone call, so he denied the boys every time they rang and messaged them back instead. Eventually, they stopped trying, the bloom on Liam’s face only growing.

All day Saturday, Liam and Sophia spent making love, wrapped in each other’s embrace with only their breaths and hearts entangled, their thoughts focused solely on the new journey they were about to undertake.

It had taken them so, so long to get there.

Liam couldn’t be more ready. He felt it in his bones, in the way he breathed, in the way he gently rested his large hands against Sophia’s stomach reverently, his hands warm against her flesh. They were having a child. The euphoria he felt couldn’t be described in words, so he showed Sophia instead. Showed her with his fingers, his eyes, his mouth. He loved her so goddamn much and now they would have a child to show for it. Finally.

When the doorbell rang on Sunday night, announcing the first arrival, Liam gulped, swallowing his smile and the butterflies ghosting in his stomach, and kissed Sophia soundly on the mouth, both of them out of breath and laughing as the doorbell rang again.

He was pushed towards the door, Liam walking away as Sophia went to go get drinks ready. He strode over to the entrance and took one more big breath, closing his eyes and then reached for the doorknob.

“About time, mate,” Niall said impatiently as he pulled Liam in for an abrupt hug and then brushed past him and inside, “where’s the food? I’m starving.”

Liam laughed and Trista rolled her eyes fondly, holding Aislinn by the hand and leading the two-year-old inside. She let go to give Liam a kiss on the cheek and then trailed in after her husband, her stomach grumbling just as loudly.

Liam looked down and saw Aislinn looking up at him. Her platinum hair was messy and pulled into two disarrayed pigtails on either side of her head, her eyes blue and forever matching Niall’s, her cheeks a dusty pink. Liam felt his heart constrict. He wanted his daughter to have his eyes, wanted to put his daughter’s hair into pigtails and tickle her and kiss her and love her until the day she died. One step at a time, he supposed.

He crouched down so that he was at eye level with her and then poked her in the stomach.

“You hungry, love bug?”

She giggled and nodded, reaching one pudgy hand up to pick at her nostril fearlessly as she stared at him. Liam sighed, a chuckle escaping him. She couldn’t be more like Niall or Trista if she _tried._ He made her squeal when he lunged forward and scooped her into his arms, her giggles high and tinkering and like music to his previous anxiety.

He held her all the way to the kitchen, lifting her up and out with just his arms and made airplane noises as they walked to where the others were, her eyes filled with wonder and her pale face lit up with joy. The others laughed when they saw him, Niall and Trista’s mouths stuffed with appetizers as was to be expected and Sophia’s eyes positively burning from where she was leaning against the counter and subtlety drinking carbonated soda.

They played until the doorbell rang again. Liam set her down, but then relented as soon as Aislinn pouted, pulled his pant leg, and tried her best to form her mouth the way he had to make the engine noises. The only thing she ended up doing was dribbling spittle on herself, but it was all just so cute and Liam was on top of the world and he could deny her nothing. So he picked her back up and made the airplane all the way to the door, resting her on his hip as he swung the door open with one hand.

“Liam!” Perrie yelped gratefully once she was revealed, immediately handing Liam a bottle of wine and a giant diaper bag, Wynona held in her other arm, “I thought my arm was about to give out, thank god.” She hitched Wynona up higher using both arms now (who was surprisingly not crying) and grinned at him.

Zayn was right behind her looking handsome and dapper even while holding a five year old on his back, Baylee’s grinning face just appearing over Zayn’s clothed shoulder.

“Hey, Li,” he greeted, walking behind his wife as Liam ushered them in. The moment Aislinn saw Baylee she was struggling out of Liam’s arms.

“Bay! Bay!”

Both Liam and Zayn let the girls down and they were off, running and giggling and having fun all over his living room. Liam shook his head fondly and turned back to Zayn and Perrie, giving them both hugs, careful not to squish Wynona.

They exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes before Perrie headed into the kitchen, Zayn and Liam following behind her, Zayn casually slinging an arm across his shoulders and asking if everything was alright.

Smirking, Liam just shook his head and immediately immersed himself with one of the kitchen duties so he wouldn’t break and just scream to the room at large that they were having a baby. He had to wait. The moment needed to be perfect.

Twenty minutes later, Louis and Harry arrived, fashionably late as always.

“Sorry! Sorry!” Louis exclaimed loudly as he sashayed into the kitchen, grabbing Cameron forcibly by the hood of his jacket as the toddler started walking out of the kitchen as soon as Louis set him down, wrestling the warm coat off the three-year-old before the little redhead was dashing away, his squeals joining the girls as they all reunited.

“Lost track of time,” Harry continued, a sleeping eight-month-old Daniel resting away in his carrier as Harry carefully set him down on the counter, unwinding a scarf from around his neck and his coat immediately after.

“We were busy doing unspeakable things,” said Louis suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows as he rambunctiously took Zayn’s beer out of his hand and took a large swig. Harry snorted.

“If what you mean by unspeakable things is changing diapers and cleaning puke off my shirt, then sure-”

“Harry, love,” said Louis immediately, dancing over to clap his hand over Harry’s mouth, both of them grinning ridiculously, “don’t give away the precious secrets now.”

They both laughed and the room collectively sighed. Harry and Louis, always in a world of their own. The next forty-five minutes passed in a blur. Harry and Niall offered to go and keep watch on the older babies in the living room and the rest of the adults stayed in the kitchen, chatting and drinking and trying to get Liam to spill his secret. Liam would just shake his head, his grin enormous, before changing the subject. He was so happy.

Wynona, who had just learned to walk at around fourteen months, months later than Cameron, but earlier than Baylee, was now toddling around the kitchen mostly independently, only once or twice falling down before blinking up and having one of the adults immediately pick her back up and put her back on her feet before the wails began. Liam felt the secret of his news boiling his nerves and his blood. He felt like he was going to burst at the seams watching Zayn and Perrie’s baby waddle around the kitchen. Almost time.

Thirty minutes later found everyone eating at the elongated dining table instead of the counter and the couches that Liam and Sophia usually used for their family. Tonight was not a casual, everyday evening though and so the big dinner table was being used accordingly.

Everyone was seated and eating happily, devouring the meat, vegetables, bread and drinks like they were addicted. Liam suddenly couldn’t have asked for a better life, for a better family. He was so, so grateful.

Baylee sat in the dining room chair like a big girl, Perrie cutting up her food for her, but all of the other babies had some kind of high chair or booster seat. Cameron was in a booster seat and was periodically getting fed by Louis when he wasn’t getting the job done himself, and Aislinn and Wynona were in high chairs, being fed by their parents respectively as well despite the food in front of them and the utensils in their hand.

Daniel was currently in Harry’s arms, being fed a bottle that Louis had just warmed up for him in Liam’s microwave, Louis feeding Harry bites of food from off of his plate like the babies since his arms were currently occupied with an adorable blonde-haired brown-eyed baby. This would be Liam’s life soon. He couldn’t wait.

When all the plates were scraped clean and everyone was looking at them expectantly, Liam just grinned, he couldn’t help it, he had been doing it all weekend, and then scooted his chair back.

“Time for dessert,” he said jovially, ignoring the groans that went up around the room.

He went to the kitchen, his steps practically buoyant, and pulled out a large pink box from the fridge. He brought it back out to the dining room and opened the large box, revealing thirteen chocolate and vanilla cupcakes, each with a plastic circle on top with a different letter on it.

“Okay,” he announced to the room at large, sunshine in his voice, “We’re going to play a little game.” Louis groaned and Liam shot him a glare, his smile still not faltering. “Everyone get’s a cupcake. Keep the letter on top of the cupcake. Inside of your cupcake is a number embedded into the cake with food coloring. That’s the order of your letter in the sentence we are going to make together! Everyone get it? Good. I’ll pass them out now.”

Liam then went around and handed everyone a cupcake, including all the babies and telling their parents to keep an eye out for the letter inside for them. It was messier than Liam expected, but so good. Everyone was laughing, icing smeared everywhere, and the cupcakes were delicious. Liam squeezed Sophia’s hand under the table and decided that this was the best night of his life.   

Finally, after much prompting and encouraging, Liam got everyone to put their letters in order horizontally along the dining table, a few mix ups occurring, a few of the letters upside down, and one of them covered in drool courtesy of Daniel, but finally, finally everyone got it right and it was time. The moment was here, now. It was finally happening.

The letters formed a sentence that read:

Baby is coming!

There was a stunned silence as everyone took in the words, realization dawning upon their frames as electricity and energy burst around the room with a sudden frenzy. People were laughing, some were screaming, and some were talking excitedly, giggling and pulling others into hugs.

Liam, engulfed in Sophia’s arms and surrounded by his boys, his babies, and his extended family that meant more than the world to him, cried tears of happiness instead.

        

 

**************************

Even though he had watched all of his boys do it, the process of becoming a father was difficult, terrifying work. He loved every second of it.

He and Sophia spent hours at Baby’s R Us, buying safety nipple bottles, the squishiest pacifiers, the comfiest crib, a multitude of baby toys, and everything in the world that a baby would need. His baby was going to be so spoiled and he didn’t care in the least. The others helped out, offered support, and mocked him in equal measures throughout the entire nine months. All the girls put on a baby Shower for Soph and she came home crying to Liam, her belly swollen and round, with tears of happiness and her hands full of even more baby items. They ended up buying so many baby things that they had to relocate it to the office, storing boxes upon boxes of formula, diapers, and baby clothes.

They also had no idea which gender their baby was. They figured that they had gotten extraordinarily lucky with this baby, that it might be near impossible to get pregnant again, and so they were getting everything out the pregnancy, the whole experience, as much as possible. That included the gender of the baby being a surprise. Liam wanted a son. He also wanted a daughter. He truly just wanted a healthy, normal baby. It was his greatest wish.

As Sophia seemed to near nine months time seemed to slow as well as speed up. It was a time of Liam’s life that would never be replicated again; the frenzy and the calm. He bathed in every second of every day and waited anxiously for the day that would finally be the _day._

Halloween passed, and then Thanksgiving, and before Liam knew it was five days until Christmas and Sophia was nearly bursting at the seams. She was bigger than the other girl’s had been, large red stretch marks striping up her stomach and traveling towards her breasts. Her feet were often swollen now with the extra weight and fields of acne were prone to erupt across her chest and back. Liam had never thought she was more beautiful or had been more in love with her in his entire life.

He didn’t remember any of the other boys having to wait this long for their miracles, didn’t remember any of the girls being this big or getting so many side-effects, but it didn’t matter because this was his family and he wanted it, and he was going to be a father, and it felt like his life was finally starting.

When it happened they were having a dull moment. Sophia has been extra cranky and swollen that day, her feet and toes resembling sausages. They were resting on Liam’s lap and he was gently rubbing them, his attention fixed on the game on TV. The fireplace was lit and roaring merrily, their house decorated with Christmas lights, a tree, and baubles and tinsels everywhere, the fire doing little do drown out Sophia’s muffled snores.

Suddenly, Sophia shot up awake with a groan of pain escaping her lips, her hands immediately grasping her stomach and her eyes clenched. Liam spilled his drink, the amber liquid tumbling to the floor and the ice starting to melt into the carpet. He turned to her, eyes wide.

“Soph! What is it? Are you okay? Is it the baby? Is it happening?” He leaned forward and placed his hands over hers, impatiently waiting for her response.

“Liam,” she said slowly, her voice gritted in between clenched teeth, “Go get the bag. It’s time.”

Liam stared at her in shock. He could feel the blood draining from his entire face, could feel one of his pant legs starting to soak up the scotch he had been drinking. The fire continued crackling.

“Leee-yum. If you do not get the goddamn bag in the next goddamn minute and bring up the car I will rip your face off and never speak to you again.”

In shock, Liam threw off Sophia’s feet and hastily ran around like a madman to get their hospital bag and the car keys. It was finally time.

 

****************

It had never taken him a shorter amount of time to get to the hospital than that night. It took him 12.5 minutes. It was a 23-minute drive. It was currently 8:49pm and Liam had been at the hospital for almost four hours now and had approximately ripped out half of his hair. It was possible he was under a large amount of stress.

A nurse in a shrub adorned with porcupines came over to him.

“Sir? Can I get you a glass of water? You’re looking a bit pale.”

Liam rolled his eyes over to look at her, was probably sure he looked like a psychopath or a drug addict with his blood shot eyes, his sallow skin, and his nervous breathing.

“I’m good, thank you. If you could get my wife to have birth though, that would be great.”

She stared at him and then quickly swept past him, a million other things to do than placate a crazy hovering in the hallway.

Liam  _was_ going crazy. He was actually going crazy. Sophia had been in labor for what felt like a lifetime, but nothing had happened yet. She wasn’t dilated enough for delivery and all they could do was wait as the nurse came in and out to check Sophia’s blood pressure and vitals. He had just needed a minute. A minute outside to collect himself and his resolve and his stomach and- _he couldn’t do this._

_Oh my god. He couldn’t do this. Why did he think he could be a father? Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god-_

“Li?”

It was Harry, voice low and soothing and the best fucking thing Liam had ever heard. He turned in the direction of Harry’s voice and just launched himself into the taller man’s chest, burying his face in Harry’s neck and breathing in his scent, trying to calm himself down.

He felt the others gather around him, intrinsically knew that it was _his_ boys. He felt someone grasp his elbow- _Zayn-_ andanother put a hand on his lower back _-Niall._

He breathed deeply.

“Mate?”

Liam snapped his head up, pulling himself just a bit away from Harry, felt Harry’s arms loosen just a bit around his waist.

“Lou? How’re you-what are you doing here-”

“Pez is watching the boys. I wanted to be here, wouldn’t miss this for the world.” He gave his crinkly-eyed smile.

Liam felt tears sting his eyes, his skin feeling stretched out and taut and too thin. He felt Harry gently wipe one away and he laughed a bit hysterically.

“I can’t do this,” he admitted wetly, pulling himself away from Harry’s arms, watching as Harry gently lowered them to his side, his eyebrows scrunched in concern, a headscarf holding his curls back, “I have no idea what I’m doing. I can’t do this.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” scoffed Louis, coming up so that he was standing side-by-side with Harry, “You’re more ready than any of us had been.”

“Yeah, mate,” said Niall, coming up to drape an arm across Liam’s shoulder, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone spend that much time on the internet reading about baby formula and sleep patterns. Not even Zayn.”

Zayn smiled, his eyes honey warm and brown and Liam felt something in his chest loosen. “You’ll do fine, Li. You’ve always been Daddy Directioner.”

When Harry leaned in to hug Liam again, cooing “Awwww!” loudly and attracting the stares from everyone in the hallway, the rest of the boys joining in on the group hug immediately, Liam knew he was going to be okay. He might not be a great father, he might be waiting at the hospital for another indefinite amount of hours, but he was surrounded by four of the most fantastic father’s he knew and they were there, showing their love and support, like he knew they always would be.

_It’ll be okay._

_*********_

His baby was born on December 20, 2005 at 11:48pm and weighed 6.1lbs. He had wisps of feather-light brown hair, a squished face with rosy cheeks, and crinkled eyes with the smallest, finest eyelashes Liam had ever seen. He was more beautiful than anything Liam had ever witnessed in his entire life. He fit into the palm of his hand and Liam started crying when he could feel his baby’s heartbeat fluttering against his sweaty palm.

He was tiny and perfect and he was _theirs._ He had waited so, so long for this moment and when it finally came Liam had no words to describe the way he was feeling. He couldn’t describe how it felt to hold his own baby boy in his hands, how it felt to see Sophia spread out on the hospital bed, sweaty and tired, but shining with happiness, her eyes wet with tears at the miracle _they_ had created. _Together._

The moment was perfection, was true euphoria. It didn’t last.

Not five minutes after their son was born, Sophia started breathing heavily again, stomach heaving, pulse racing. The heart monitors started going off and Liam felt his heart rate skyrocket, felt his son being taken out of his hands as they started to uncontrollably shake. He couldn’t understand what was happening, his eyes transfixed on Sophia’s sweaty, gleaming face streaked with pain on the bed, the faces and voices around him blurring and burned and confusing.

_Something is wrong. Something is wrong. Something is wrong. Something is wrong._

“Liam!” It was one of the nurse’s. She looked frustrated, as if she had been trying to get his attention for a while.

“Oh, god, what’s happened? What can I do? She can’t die on me, she can’t. I _refuse-_ ”

“ _Mr. Payne!_ ” Liam shut his mouth with a snap, could feel his bones shivering like a leaf under his clothes, his blood too thick and warm in his veins.

“Your wife is about to have another baby, we need to prepare for the next delivery.”

Liam wasn’t prepared to hear anything the woman has been going to say, but he _certainly, especially, one hundred percent_ did _not_ expect to her say what she just did.

“She _what?_ ”

But the nurse had already scrambled away, assembling tubes and wipes and monitors. Liam stood there dumbly, his body completely in shock before he heard Sophia screech his name. In a daze he went to her side, felt her hand clamp down on his and couldn’t feel the pain, his eyes focused on his beautiful wife’s face.

The nurse had said _what?_

It wasn’t until his daughter was born, at 11:59 on December 20, 2005 weighing 5.7lbs that the words actually sunk in.

He and Sophia had just had another baby.

They had just had _twins._

Liam couldn't fathom his situation, not even when he heard his baby’s cries echoing around the room, not when he felt Sophia squeeze his hand and smile and he squeezed it back. It didn’t become real until he held his daughter in his arms, the most precious and extraordinary thing that had ever happened to him.

She was beautiful, just like her brother, and she was theirs-his and Sophia’s. He had never been more proud in his life. Holding his new baby girl in his arms, he started to cry again, hot salty tears spilling down his cheeks, slipping into his smile.

His life had finally begun.

************

“Liam! Come out here! What are you doing?”

Liam rushed out of the house, his hands full with spoons, forks, napkins, plates, and an entirely too large bin of cookies and cream ice cream.

“I had to get the rest of the supplies!” He put all of the items down onto a large clump on the table in his and Sophia’s backyard, making sure nothing fell off and landed on the ground. It was a beautiful summer’s day, the sun warm and pleasant, nothing too strong with a cool gush of wind flowing in and rustling the trees, making their music and ruffling Sophia’s hair.

She looked glorious. She was wearing a warm yellow sundress and a white-brimmed hat and her hair was long and looked red in the sun. He smiled goofily at her and she smiled back, his heart clenching. He loved her so much.

He started towards her when he felt two little monsters crash into his legs, little hands grabbing at his bare knees and grasping at his leg hair. He grinned automatically, crouching down so that he was at eye-level with his two favorite people in the entire world.

“William, Justine, what have I told you about pulling Daddy’s leg hair?”

“‘S Bad!” Justine answered, her brown hair as fine as a butterfly and fluttering with the wind, getting into her eyes. She scrunched her face; her beautiful brown eyes-Liam’s eyes-crinkling cutely. He felt his heart constrict as he swept some of the pieces out of her face.

“That’s right. Who’s my smart little princess?” She giggled as Liam grabbed her and blew a raspberry on her small, pudgy stomach, her laughs precious and better than any music he had ever hoped to create. She screeched and leaned away from him, Liam letting her go after a minute.

He laughed, the sound light and full and so full of love and looked at his son.

“What about you Will, you agree with your sister?” William nodded seriously, wearing a blue vest and tiny converse that Louis had gotten him for no apparent reason other than getting all of the kids to look like him and to think he was the “coolest” uncle.

“Yeah?” he said, grabbing his son and standing up, throwing him into the air and catching him again, William’s giggles just as infectious as his sister’s. “My smart little boy.”

He played with them, completely engrossed, tunes of “My turn Daddy!” as he switched off between his two babies. He didn’t notice Sophia until she was right behind him, hands gentle and loving on his waist.

“Baby, it’s time for your cake, come on.”

Liam set down Justine, who was still giggling madly and nodded. He held out his hands, wiggling his fingers at his kids expectantly, but his babies looked at each other and then unanimously sank down to the ground, schooching on their bottoms until they were sitting on Liam’s shoes with their hands wrapped around his calves.

“Go Daddy! Ride time!”

“Yeah! Ride time!”

Liam laughed and feigned like the two little heathen at his feet were the biggest burdens one could bear. Nothing was further from the truth.

He pretended like they were too heavy to make them laugh and it took them five extra minutes longer than it should have to walk over to the picnic table set up. There was a checkered cloth covering the surface and large plates of food everywhere, most half eaten or dripping off the sides, plates of now-too-warm watermelon, bowls of strawberries, crackers, and leftover pizza, chips, everything anyone could have wanted.

“Okay, I’m here.”

“Only took an hour,” Louis grumbled, Daniel perched on his hip with Cameron on his other side. Harry whacked him on the shoulder and Louis groaned in pain, his mouth set in a smile.

“For real, I thought I was going to go into labor before he got over here,” Trista joked, her hands going to rub her large belly before finding that Niall’s hands were already there, rubbing soothing circles onto oblong stomach that was holding their next baby. A son this time. They already knew.

“Here, here,” called Perrie, rubbing her own swollen belly with Zayn standing protectively next to her, the two women giving each other a look before bursting into laughter. Liam shook his head bemusedly, sharing his own look with Zayn.

“Sorry, I don’t know what, but something was weighing me down.”

William and Justine giggled against his skin, their small mouths and chubby fingers plucking at his leg hair again. He found he didn’t mind at all.

“Well, it’s time for someone to blow out his birthday cake.”

Liam grinned as William and Justine immediately hopped up from their position at his feet, their steps wobbly and unpracticed. He took a seat on the warm wooden bench and instantly felt small grubby hands reaching for him. He lifted William onto his lap and then Justine as Sophia set the large, slightly melting vanilla cake down in front of him.

Harry was standing across from him and his babies, holding a ridiculously large camera in front of his face, and Liam hoped that the pregnant mother they were making arrangements with now would follow-through, another baby on the way for Harry and Louis too, just like for the rest of the boys.

Liam was content where he was though, happiness bursting in his chest with his two little loves on his lap and against his heart, Sophia lighting the candles and smiling at him from above his birthday cake. Once all the candles were lit and everyone was singing, Liam leaned back to contemplate his wish. He took in the girls, the love of his life, and the loves of his boys, bellies pregnant and as ripe as the melons on the table. He took in Harry and Louis, their love and their babies, and everything he wished for them. He smiled at Baylee and winked at Wynona and tried not to laugh as he glanced over and saw Aislinn still stuffing her face.

He took in his boys, all four of them, and felt his heart near to bursting.

He tightened his arms around William and Justine and they helped him blow out his candles, spit and bubbles running down their chins and onto their shirts.

Liam closed his eyes to make his birthday wish before realizing that he already had everything he wanted and ever needed to be happy.

A family.


End file.
